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Post by adolphuscrowfeather on Mar 10, 2015 19:41:59 GMT -6
Oh...my... I totally agree... Holy sheet of paper... Wow. I can definitely say they are possessive, but they hasn't gotten on the nightmare page yet. Maybe when I actually begin practicing and can, those will come. I said this above, but yeah, they definitely wants Brigid out of my practice. Heck, all the Three. The one night, one, last night, I forgot my rite to all the three (gods, ancestors and other) and solely talked to them (Na Morrigan)... And holy crap, two dreams, one, me being a wolf alone fighting other wolves in a boreal forest, and two, me stuck in a house of werewolves trying not to get killed, while trying to help someone not get killed as well. I'm not really afraid of wolves or werewolves, but dang it it made me have near adrenaline all day today. I said this on Tumblr, but after I really got to the Morrigan in my two-three months in GP, I got burnt, scratched, bit, and the thing that actually led me to bleed came from my dog sleeping next to me and I quote sneezing in which made her pit bull head nearly break my nose. I can't really offer things, so that is hard, so I'm doing all I can really to please her, which I plan to poem or pray or anything. She almost has become my everything... Her actions almost make me forget school things... But if I must fail every course (it's not that bad, like one or two parts of an assignment or two,not whole assignments) for her, I'd be fine with it. My passion for her is so strong... It's unbelievable I had so much passion. She's almost made me hers in full. she might of already have. my big question is, how would a blood oath work out? Given, I will think heavily on it, but I'd like to know for future. What does it do, etc.... i pretty much have riddled they and she throughout this whole thing, but note I mean they, as I feel saying she, though that feels right, I know it isn't correct since they are a group Well keep in mind I haven't found any basis for a blood oath in GP. For me its a personal thing on how I view blood, to me blood is the life source of your body, and I plan on dedicating my very life and life force to Them. For me it would be in about 5-6 years, on my 10th anniversary of honoring her, but it doesnt have to be a major milestone. The ritual I have planned is very personal though and Im not comfortable sharing it with others, but if you would like I could try to find some resources on it for you? I'd love some resources please. It will definitely help if I do decide to do it in the future. I view blood personally too, and it sounds like something I'd do if I knew on it, but I don't know how deep the oath goes or what it does, or even how to do it. So yes, resources would be excellent.
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Post by adolphuscrowfeather on Mar 16, 2015 20:43:20 GMT -6
Repetition Song (Excerpt from Gated Path Post) Bow=the verb to bow in respect
Wolf, Crow, and Claw
By your howl, By your caw By my bow And by your claw I am yours, Phantom Queens.
By my howl, By your caw By my bow And by your claw I am yours, Phantom Queens.
By my howl, By my caw By my bow And by your claw I am yours, Phantom Queens.
By my howl By my caw By my bow And by my claw I am yours, Phantom Queens.
By our howls, By our caws By my bow And by our claws I am yours, Phantom Queens.
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Post by brimstonne on Mar 22, 2015 23:08:00 GMT -6
Repetition Song (Excerpt from Gated Path Post) Bow=the verb to bow in respect Wolf, Crow, and Claw By your howl, By your caw By my bow And by your claw I am yours, Phantom Queens. By my howl, By your caw By my bow And by your claw I am yours, Phantom Queens. By my howl, By my caw By my bow And by your claw I am yours, Phantom Queens. By my howl By my caw By my bow And by my claw I am yours, Phantom Queens. By our howls, By our caws By my bow And by our claws I am yours, Phantom Queens. OKAY SO I TOTALLY LOVE THAT.
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Post by brimstonne on Mar 22, 2015 23:18:06 GMT -6
Well keep in mind I haven't found any basis for a blood oath in GP. For me its a personal thing on how I view blood, to me blood is the life source of your body, and I plan on dedicating my very life and life force to Them. For me it would be in about 5-6 years, on my 10th anniversary of honoring her, but it doesnt have to be a major milestone. The ritual I have planned is very personal though and Im not comfortable sharing it with others, but if you would like I could try to find some resources on it for you? I'd love some resources please. It will definitely help if I do decide to do it in the future. I view blood personally too, and it sounds like something I'd do if I knew on it, but I don't know how deep the oath goes or what it does, or even how to do it. So yes, resources would be excellent. Okay so Im trying to find resources still, but I want to make sure they're reliable. (Talks about how to do so safely, talks about how big of a commitment it is, etc.) Most of the ones I find seem to be Norse and Wiccan? (Did not that the Wiccans did blood oaths, but the more you know I guess) Ill message you my personal thoughts on the matter how ever. Im just not comfortable enough to post it for everyone to see yet.
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Huri
Newbie
gone in the river
Posts: 36
Pronouns: They/Them
Religion: Gaelic Polytheist
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Post by Huri on Mar 25, 2015 11:16:52 GMT -6
Hearing about people saying they're scary or describing an intense relationship has me worried that I'm doing something wrong because I don't experience either of these! There's that self doubt again.
I've been very... informal with them. Formality is pretty hard for me. They have been picky about offerings though, and they don't mind dropping bad omens at your door. I hear a lot of personal experiences about them that upset me though... They all boil down to "they hate weakness!" with a few tosses of casual ableism in there, which is tough to hear when you're disabled and an abuse victim. But I've never experienced those myself? I told myself that "you've fought your whole life and you're still fighting, maybe they respect you for that?" but I feel like that gets close to "I'm special! They like me best." or something.
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aondeug
Full Member
Posts: 141
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers, He/Him/His
Religion: Thai Theravada, Irish polytheism
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Post by aondeug on Mar 25, 2015 13:05:34 GMT -6
I try not to take weakness as meaning like some sort of...Physical thing. Being weak isn't so much a matter of can you even lift, and it's also not a measure of whether or not you lack something like panic disorder. Strength I feel is more a sort of fluid thing that depends from person to person and their individual situations.
And what really, really counts is mindset I think.
Like I am a horribly weak person and I have epilepsy. I am also terrified of...Lots of things really. A day without worry and fear is a very rare day for me! And sometimes I just fall apart completely.
That I'm still going is a sort of strength I think. And that my OCD and my epilepsy and what not are all wars of a sort that I fight, and have been fight, and will have to keep fighting. At least that is how I look at that sort of thing? I do think they respect strength. Just that strength and a backbone might be different for me or you than it is for someone who isn't disabled or so on.
That and I think that perhaps their being scary or dropping in on you is a sort of way of caring? In some cases. A way of helping. Sometimes.
I wouldn't say that you're doing something wrong though. Just because you aren't terrified of na Morrígna or just generally overwhelmed like I am. Different people have different situations and they have different relationships with even the same beings.
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Post by Allec on Mar 25, 2015 14:39:38 GMT -6
From my experience, the Morrígan indeed think the way you are thinking Huri. In that, the fact you have to fight and still have to fight illness is your own battle. Luc wrote a really cool post about it here: " Battles are found outside the War Zones." And I think the terrifying aspect of the Morrígan is that she/they will not mess around. Which is what some people need and thrive on. In short, you aren't doing anything wrong. Some people (like myself) just don't think we'd handle that type of relationship well.
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Huri
Newbie
gone in the river
Posts: 36
Pronouns: They/Them
Religion: Gaelic Polytheist
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Post by Huri on Mar 25, 2015 22:56:07 GMT -6
Thanks y'all, despite being a year in I'm still in that "what if my experiences and everything I'm doing is wrong?!" phase. Sometimes I need these reassurances.
I definitely agree on what's been said about weakness and fighting. I've internalized a lot of guilt on that front, and have to fight to tell myself that I am fighting. A lot of those upsetting experiences and worldviews were told on tumblr, which is why I've avoided the general community there (and the tags) since then.
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Echtrai
Newbie
Away indefinitely (I'll probably be back, I always come back) - feel free to leave me a message
Posts: 26
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
Religion: Gaelic Polytheism
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Post by Echtrai on Mar 26, 2015 0:50:55 GMT -6
Also try not to compare your experience to others' too much. There are likely going to be similarities between, for example, Gaelic polytheists' experiences because they're operating in similar cultural frameworks, but something like a relationship between you and your deities is going to be intensely personal.
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Post by adolphuscrowfeather on Mar 27, 2015 14:00:21 GMT -6
The Crows on a Tree
I was in my room about to do my work, but then I heard the caw of a crow. I immediately looked outside my window but saw nothing. Then I went to another window and saw a crow fly to a tree. I smiled heavily, and before I knew it, three crows were on that same tree together, with one cawing to the ground below. Then another flew in, making four, but a minute or two later the fourth flew away. I sung my Wolf Crow Claw song, and I was overall joyful. I started some small talk, saying my feelings of them and all, and then I asked, "What works are you doing here?", and that's when I really looked at the crow cawing to the ground. I asked, "Do you want me to go there?" and automatically, the three birds left in the next 5-10 seconds. I felt so joyful much after, going on even till bed and the next day. My spirit was so ecstatic, my 2 hour work took 5 with the work actually being 1 hour, and the other four pure joy and unable to just work.
(No idea if I can "go there." )
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Post by brimstonne on Mar 29, 2015 10:59:32 GMT -6
Hearing about people saying they're scary or describing an intense relationship has me worried that I'm doing something wrong because I don't experience either of these! There's that self doubt again. I've been very... informal with them. Formality is pretty hard for me. They have been picky about offerings though, and they don't mind dropping bad omens at your door. I hear a lot of personal experiences about them that upset me though... They all boil down to "they hate weakness!" with a few tosses of casual ableism in there, which is tough to hear when you're disabled and an abuse victim. But I've never experienced those myself? I told myself that "you've fought your whole life and you're still fighting, maybe they respect you for that?" but I feel like that gets close to "I'm special! They like me best." or something. STORY TIME! I have a few mental disabilities, and I went through a panic that I wouldnt be good enough, I wasnt strong enough, she wanted warriors, not someone like me. She basically slapped me with a 2x4 for saying that. One of the reasons shes so intense with me is that Im terrified that she will decide Im not good enough and leave. For our relationship, its her way of comforting me. Kind of a 'you cant leave me your mine and I love you so Im going to try to make you the best you can be.' And its not always intense. There are days where I dont have the spoons to deal with intensity, and I get a VERY toned down version. But as for the 'they hate weakness!' because your disabled? If I find anyone doing that on here, it will not be pleasant. First of all, this forum does not allow ableism. And secondly, when youre disabled you have to work so much harder, for everything. Do you think She doesnt know that? That she wouldnt respect you for that? Each relationship is different, and it SHOULD be! If yours is toned down and informal, then hey thats amazing and wonderful. And thats how both you and She want it! There is no right way to interact with your deities and I think people should remember that. And as for the not wanting to feel like 'Im special! They like me best!' Im sure that there is a trait about you that they like best! Just like there are traits her other followers have that are her favorite trait with them. In my personal experience, the Morrigan gets very personal and learns just as much about you as you do her, and she works with that. She goes with it. You should never have to doubt yourself when it comes to this, because disability or not, everyones got something that theyre passionate about. (Even if its lying in bed watching your favorite tv show) and passion is where true strength comes from. (I know its supposed to be a 'them/they' but calling them 'She/her' is what feels most comfortable for me. I do know that there are more than one of them.)
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Post by adolphuscrowfeather on Apr 10, 2015 23:19:02 GMT -6
Redacted for my own feelings of it being too negative
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Post by adolphuscrowfeather on Apr 11, 2015 11:40:09 GMT -6
To add, I guess I'm at a crossroads. I don't want to leave them but also do. I love them but hate them. Yes and no. Apples and bananas. Hi, and bye. Cat and Dog. Wolf and Lion. Crow and Robin. Samsung and Apple. Quick and Slow. Blah and Understandable Answer. Rain and Sun. Etc. And nothing.
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Post by brimstonne on Apr 11, 2015 20:48:30 GMT -6
I had a similar problem actually. I think with gods, just like in any relationship, its important to lay down your boundaries and figure out what is expected from each party. Which with the Morrigan can seem terrifying, no question. But in my case it improved things so quickly my head was spining. Let them know that you need their acknowledgement, in order to better your relationship with them. Tell her if you feel unappreciated/like she doesnt care. Lay out guidelines about working with other gods. I had a problem where Id want to pray, and end up feeling ignored too, I just said every ephitet I could possibly think of until I felt like they were there listening. We have to remember that our gods arent viewed as omnipotent, and sometimes it kinda feels like we have to scream ti get theor attention. And always remember, if you cant work with a certain deity because its seriously effecting your health in a way that you cant handle/cope well with, ypu can end the relationship and distance yourself. Theres nothing wrong with that, just make sure to do so respectfully.
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Post by adolphuscrowfeather on Apr 15, 2015 17:44:36 GMT -6
I had a similar problem actually. I think with gods, just like in any relationship, its important to lay down your boundaries and figure out what is expected from each party. Which with the Morrigan can seem terrifying, no question. But in my case it improved things so quickly my head was spining. Let them know that you need their acknowledgement, in order to better your relationship with them. Tell her if you feel unappreciated/like she doesnt care. Lay out guidelines about working with other gods. I had a problem where Id want to pray, and end up feeling ignored too, I just said every ephitet I could possibly think of until I felt like they were there listening. We have to remember that our gods arent viewed as omnipotent, and sometimes it kinda feels like we have to scream ti get theor attention. And always remember, if you cant work with a certain deity because its seriously effecting your health in a way that you cant handle/cope well with, ypu can end the relationship and distance yourself. Theres nothing wrong with that, just make sure to do so respectfully. Honestly, after all I did for her, I'm too far in to drop her. I am at the edge of leaving them, like already falling, but she still has her web making sure I don't fall from her graspe. She makes me feel uncomfortable to get more open with other deities. She, in your words, or near it, is the "grandmother" who is putting me through hell to teach me something, even though that hell is just myself unable to accept no communication at all or something I can't think of atm. I gave my say, she hasn't said hers in what she wants. She knows her little crow servants or imbodyments gets me hooked on, even by one petty caw. Honestly, it may be here laughing, who knows. I can't leave her, I cant, but heck do I want to. Maybe again my spirit is just in its big downs and I can't easily get help from her. I know she felt honored, and I fear dishonoring her.... I just don't know what to do. Did I accidentally oath to her? Am I truly hers by accident? What the hell is happening.... Really. It's getting annoying, gruesome, and insulting. I can't just throw away all I made for her. Did for her. If I do leave her, I'd feel lost, very lost. I need help. Before she gives my spirit a morsel of poison to have nothing to do but as I kind of said before, really consume me whole out of pure need.
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